Saffina's Secrets Read online

  “Keep quiet. The others are sleeping close by. Another peep out of you and I’ll take you over my knees. Then the White Lady will find her ass turns a very hot shade of red.”

  Whimpering, I writhed over his face as he used his tongue to lick and probe. He hauled and sucked until I thought I should die of pleasure. Climax after soft, explosive climax spilled through me as he did his work. Soon my tears flowed freely. I trembled, limp from weakness.

  “Now me.”

  I needed no second signal. At his gruff command I collapsed into a heap beside him. Now I worked my way down his beautiful, ravaged body with eager kisses and generous, sweeping licks until I found his hot, hard manhood. I took possession of his cock with my mouth using all the love and the devotion I could summon.

  Licking its length took longer than ever, it stood so proud and ready. But my urge to please and my delight in his recovery were so strong that I managed him more thoroughly than ever before.

  My reward came in a matter of mere minutes as he surrendered to my greedy mouth. He held my head in place, stroking my hair as he finally convulsed in my throat.

  “You save my life, Saffina. In more ways—and more often—than you can possibly know.”

  Happiness flooded through me. “You must sleep, sir,” I murmured. I moved up his body to seal his mouth with my own. I wanted to caress him and kiss him. I wanted to tell him how glad I was he’d come into my life when he did.

  I wanted to thank him for teaching me how to feel—and how to love.

  But for once our roles had switched. He’d obeyed me to the letter.

  He was already peacefully asleep.

  * * * *

  Later that morning we reunited with our servants and the rest of our luggage. By now Jacquard’s valet had done wonders. Lord Endale was almost back to his urbane, elegant self.

  The bruises beneath his fine tailoring were for my eyes alone. During our short and passionate reunion, he’d laughingly assured me my kisses were all the salve they needed.

  Now, rested and safe from Henri’s wrath, we were to move on. As Madame joined us at breakfast for a round of champagne to celebrate our escape, she passed me a glass with a smile.

  “Mes félicitations, milady. Congratulations on a masterful plan.”

  I lifted my glass to her in mock salute. “And to you, Madame. I’d never have done it without you.”

  I took a sip then glared at her, horrified. “Eeugh. This champagne tastes disgusting. What’s this, Madame? After all we’ve been through, you try to poison me?”

  All around us there was an astonished silence. The servants stared, open-mouthed. Jacquard and Madame exchanged a look. He turned to me with a frown.

  “Let me taste.”

  I scowled, exasperated, tears stinging again. “It’s true. How else to explain it? The backaches, the sickness…” I glared at her and raised my glass.

  Before I could hurl it at the wall, Jacquard seized my arm. Slowly he pried the glass out of my hand and sipped.

  His eyes fixed on his cowering servant. As he lowered the glass, he locked his gaze on hers. She shrank back, her yellow face turning an ugly beige.

  “Leave us, Madame.”

  She clapped her hand to her mouth, her eyes full of terror. “Non, non, milord, je vous supplie… I beg of you, don’t—”

  “I said leave us.”

  Her face contracted in grief and all at once I felt her anguish. We’d had our moments, but I knew she genuinely loved him. Hate me she might, but her loyalty to her master was as true and steady as mine.

  On that, we were as one.

  Her heart had once been broken, long ago. I’d no wish—nor any right—to break it again.

  I threw my arms round her. “No, Jacquard. Don’t send her away. She only does it because she loves you. Madame, please don’t cry. Jacquard, for pity’s sake…”

  “Oh, milady…” With a sob Madame tore herself away from me. She fled, slamming the door behind her.

  The others silently trooped out after her.

  When we were finally alone, I drew in a shaky breath and glared up at Jacquard. “You see? I told you she hated me. And all along I thought she was trying to help. It was all a trick. She—”

  What am I saying? With an effort I checked myself and stared at him in despair. “Forgive me. I daresay she can’t help hating me if she trusts no one but you. But don’t send her away, Jacquard. It would kill her…”

  He took me in his arms, forced my head down onto his chest and stroked my hair. “Hush, Saffina, calm yourself. The champagne tastes just as it should. I’ve no intention of sending her away. Especially now. If she’s right, then for the next few months I’ll have greater need of her than ever. And so will you.” He kissed me gently. “No more champagne for you. For a while, at least.”

  I gazed up at him, bewildered. “Why?”

  He held my gaze, his look steady. “For the simple reason she’s devoted to you. And she tells me you have a secret.”

  I frowned, exasperated. “I snatch you to freedom and you talk in riddles? Speak plain English, sir, or I’ll go mad.”

  He touched his lips to my forehead. “Very well. The champagne tastes fine. It’s you who’s changed. Madame Junot says it’s early days yet. She wanted to wait a while before telling you. She once lost a favorite of hers to a mishap early on. She says it’s too soon to be sure. I suspected it too—all these tears? Not your usual style, my love.” He kissed me again. “She thinks you’re expecting.”

  “You’re saying…I’m with child?”

  It explained a lot. It was stunning news and a lot to take in. In some ways, it was wonderful, in other ways—not.

  The gulf yawning before me filled me with horror. Single women with babies were two a penny, disgraced for life. How would I live? How could I live if I had to give up my child?

  What have I done?

  “But…what’s to become of me, my lord?”

  He was laughing now. “You’re to become my countess. That is, if you’ll do me the honor of accepting my hand. If not…? Well, you have money of your own. Nothing you do would surprise me. But I ask you most humbly, Saffina. Will you marry me? I’ll not have a bastard for my heir.”

  He sounded casual, but his eyes were full of love. His kiss full of tenderness.

  For a long moment we gazed into each other’s eyes. Surely with him for my husband, I would always be cherished. And with him as a father, my new, living secret would always be safe…

  The moment ended with a spectacular crash. Madame flung the door wide open and strode into the room, eyes blazing.

  “What is zis, Monseigneur? You lure milady into marriage? You wish to ruin ’er?”

  Chapter Eleven

  As Madame Junot burst in, I glanced up at Jacquard, horrified. I expected him to blast the woman out of the room in sheer rage.

  I flared up too. How dare she spoil such a moment? “Go away, Madame. This is an outrage. Jacquard? Tell her.”

  But he was staring at her in shock.

  An awful thought hit me—so awful I fought it down, feeling queasy again. They were so close. Was it possible they were married?

  Jacquard let me go so abruptly I almost stumbled. He walked slowly over to the window and gazed out with his back to us, arms folded.

  “What is it? What’s the matter?” Stunned, I stared from one to the other. “Won’t somebody speak?”

  But when he did speak, his tone was low. “When Somers and his aunts captured you and tried to cure you, Saffina, did it ever once cross your mind they were right?”

  “What?” I frowned. “No. Never. You saw what they did to me. You saw how greedy they were. You said yourself it was all because of my—”

  “Money. I know. Madame Junot? Tell her.” He continued to stare out of the window, his jaw rigid.

  Madame glanced at me. Her lips pressed together in a thin, hard line. “I thought as much. So she still does not know?”

  “She knows nothing, beyond w
hat you’ve told her already,” Jacquard’s low murmur seemed to deepen the silence. He spun round, his eyes blazing. “Tell her, dammit.”

  Madame turned to me with a face stiff with pain. “You recall I tell you about milord’s kindness to me and my lover Mérine, milady?” Her eyes filled with tears. “And that later she—die?”

  I nodded. To fight the nausea, I leaned against the nearest chair.

  She took a deep breath. “One of the clients make her with child. Then ’e abuse ’er so badly she miscarry. She could not be saved.”

  I glanced at Jacquard, as a new fear gripped me. “You mean—”

  “No, no, milady. It was not milord Endale. It was a powerful young man in the new regime. Later he become a famous general under Napoleon. But milord challenge ’im over Mérine, threaten to expose ’im, to ruin ’is career if he do not make provision for Mérine’s family. She support them with what she earn. The man deny it at first, but milord persist. Then the man say he short of funds. But to buy ’is silence, he give milord title to properties seized from former aristos.” She glanced at my guardian, her face gaunt. “Please, milord. I cannot—”

  My guardian touched her arm. “Easy, Madame. I’ll tell her the rest.”

  He turned back to the window with a weary sigh. “The properties were scattered throughout France, mostly abandoned when their owners died in the Terror. At the time they had little value. But over the years that changed. One of them was the château we’ve just stayed in. There were others—farms, hunting lodges. And one or two back streets in the capital, including the establishment where Madame worked.”

  Madame Junot gave him a proud look. “Milord’s lawyers take it over and put me in charge. I run it well. Clients include many important people—government officials, diplomats and princes. All very discreet. Very exclusive.” Her eyes gleamed. “And very successful. Milord grow rich.”

  “Milord?” She looked up in shock as Jacquard turned toward the door. “You are leaving?”

  “Is there any point in staying? It’s all over now. If you want me, I’ll be downstairs.” The door slammed like the thud of a guillotine.

  But she grinned, on fire with pride and keen to tell her story. “Milord also grow powerful. Over the years, the girls and I learn the secrets of many famous men, Toulon included. So Toulon dare not put ’im on trial. Too many secrets would come out in court. That is why Toulon hate milord so much. He foolishly swear revenge over milord’s kindness to a relative but to carry out ’is threat he can only kill ’im in secret.”

  I swallowed. The nausea had eased, but I was still afraid. She’d still not explained why they were so close. And it seemed to me there could only be one reason.

  I shook her hand. “Thank you, Madame. Now I know Mérine’s full story, I’m even sorrier for your loss. I know things are often rocky between us but I’m truly glad things turned out well. But now I must find him.”

  “Wait, milady. There is more. Our partnership—”

  “Yes, yes, I’m sure it’s—” I swallowed. “I want to hear the rest from him.”

  And while I am at it, I’ll give him a piece of my mind.

  But first I had to find him. I raced downstairs in a panic. His moods were sudden. If he’d decided to leave, he could melt into the broad plains of Europe in any direction and I might never learn the truth.

  Or even see him again.

  But to my relief I quickly found him. He’d not even called for his greatcoat. He stood at a window looking out, hands clasped loosely at his back. He looked calm and at his ease, for the world like any wealthy gentleman tourist drinking in the breath-taking views of the Vosges forests.

  “Jacquard?”

  “Has she told you all?” He spun around with a frown. “I know how angry you must feel. You see now what I meant. When I shouted at Somers that day, I was in a rage. I suppose I was jealous. But the truth of the matter is that deep down I knew he was right. Even his aunts were right, in a sense. You can have no future with me, Saffina.”

  Because of her? He’s on the point of saying it. Do not disgrace yourself when he does. You should have known all along…

  I took a deep breath. “No future with you? Why not, sir?”

  “You heard what Madame said. I own her establishment. Now she runs it so well it makes me a fortune. Its success spawned more. She manages others. It’s also made me the most disreputable noble in Europe. Save a few powerful friends—like the Duke, as you saw—I’m rarely received. The reasons for my wealth must always stay secret. And even if I could justify how I came by it, my wealth still won’t buy the respect of sober people or allow me to appear at court. In society’s eyes immoral earnings are just that—immoral.”

  I glared at him. “Don’t fob me off with all that, sir. Plenty of honest men call themselves landlords and charge immoral rents. I don’t see the difference. Being poor taught me that much. And I now know more than I ever wanted to about respectable people. Somers and his aunts cured me of that for good. Tell me the truth. Are you and Madame man and wife?”

  He stared at me in disbelief. “Good god, no. Whatever made you think that?”

  Tears threatened again, along with a strange, unreal feeling. Not relief, not quite happiness—but somewhere in between.

  “So—what about…” I tailed off. “Madame said when she first met you—you’d met someone? What happened to her? Was that—Madame Lamont?”

  His eyes flashed. “A gentleman never discusses such matters. And my past is no concern of yours.”

  I lifted my chin. “You mistake me, Jacquard,” I said firmly. “I’ve no interest in your conquests. I just wanted to know the state of your heart—if you have one, that is.”

  His mouth twisted in a sardonic grin. “Then I have to confess, child, that you’ll find it strikingly absent. I lost it the moment I saw you in my stable, with your hair awry and your glories on open display. In all my days, I’d never seen anything so ravishing. You took my breath away.” His eyes glittered for a moment.

  He raised my hand to his lips and brushed a light kiss over my fingers. “And since you ask, the young woman all those years ago was a flirtation, no more. She married another. And Madame Lamont is just that—a madam in another of my properties. And also, as you saw, our late host’s current mistress, among others. The marquis has a roving eye. And no, I’ve never tasted her charms, such as they are. Now are you satisfied?”

  “Then…nothing else stands between us? There’s no real reason for you not to marry me? So you made me an offer out of what? Pity, sir? For my condition?”

  “Pity? What ails you, child?” His eyes blazed. “Why should I feel pity for you? You’re one of the toughest females I know. Madame simply reminded me of my—obligations, that’s all. As my wife you’d share in my disgrace. You’d be received in some places, spurned by others. In many ways we’d live a vagabond life compared to many of our rank. I’ve no right to make you share in that.”

  He took me by the arms and scanned my face. “Listen to me. I can arrange all for you, any way you like. With enough money, all can be concealed. No one has to know of your predicament. You can continue to live at the Hall if you choose. You can give up the child for adoption. The child can even live with you, if that is your wish—say as a nephew, or a long-lost cousin. You’ll not want for money. I promise you—”

  Frantic now, I stopped his mouth with my hand. “Jacquard? Do you love me at all? Please tell me. I have to know.”

  “Love you?” He ran a hand through his hair in exasperation. “I’m besotted with you. I’ve never met anyone like you. I never expected to. But that gives me no right to—”

  I stopped his mouth again. “It gives you every right, sir. And since you asked, then I’ll give you my answer. Yes, I’ll marry you. Our child needs a father. And I need you. And—”

  I broke off, tears stinging once more. Were my moods always to be so watery? I hoped it was just my condition. “And I’m deeply honored, sir. You are the finest gentlem
an I know—or ever hope to.”

  When he finally found my mouth, I felt my lips tremble under his. But as he prolonged our kiss, they grew firm.

  I felt as if I’d come home.

  People tiptoed past. People tiptoed away again. We hardly cared.

  We’d come to the end of one journey. Now we were starting another—new for us, new for the times. Our life together would start with openness, honesty and trust—a far better beginning than I could ever have hoped for in a marriage of rank.

  When he finally released my eager mouth, I gazed up at him, breathless from his kiss.

  He looked on amused, outwardly inscrutable. But in the depths of his gaze, I sensed new warmth.

  “Do I take it your search for a suitor’s now over, milady?”

  His murmur purred through me, low as a whisper, but in the new stillness between us it drowned out all the clatter from the rest of the inn.

  I kissed the edge of his jaw. “Indeed it is, sir. And I find I’m suited perfectly.”

  Also available from Totally Bound Publishing:

  Suiting Saffina: Taming Saffina

  Flora Dain

  Excerpt

  Chapter One

  “Come back here. Bring me grog, damn your eyes.” He’s shouting now.

  I’m under the table. Through the open window I hear voices.

  “What, a child’s with him? How old? Eight, you say? Why no nurse?”

  “Nobody goes near. The stink’s too bad. All that pain…”

  They’re talking about me.

  The grog was heavy. I dropped the jug.

  If I press my hands on my ears, I can’t hear his screams.

  I was halfway across the lawns when I knew for certain what I wanted—Isaac’s cock. All of it. So instead of making for the fountains to cool off, I headed to the stables for extra heat.

  Isaac tended the horses. At this hour he’d be up in the hayloft, shoveling forkfuls of fragrant hay so there’d be great heaps of it for us to roll in when he pushed up my skirts…perfect.